A Future I Will Never Have

A future I will never have.

A white dress,

A shared look,

A promise.

It hurts so much to look to our past.

I hurt myself every day.

Two velvet boxes lined with satin,

Two circlets joining hearts,

A future with children, smiles, and laughter,

Photos of our growing family,

We were going to grow old together!

We stabbed our promise in the heart.

A future we will never have.

Please Tell Me

Please tell me I’m not the only one who doesn’t eat, doesn’t sleep.

It doesn’t end.

Please tell me I’m not the only one to punish their self.

It’s on purpose.

It’s for you.

To show my devotion,

I am not worthy.

I love you,

And my love is dirt.

I punish myself,

So that one day I’ll rise from the ashes.

A phoenix.

Emerge,

As if I were one who deserves.

Will I ever deserve?

Not even you can say,

Because who knows if I will ever be worthy of you?

Onomatopoeia

Whisper

Whimper

Bang.

I’m shot down

By the one I loved.

Drip Drip Drip

Go the raindrops

And the teardrops

And the droplets from the faucet-

Wash your face and

    Embrace the pain.

Crack crunch snap break

The sounds my heart makes.

Thud thud thud

Blood

          in my ears

I hear

              nothing.

There can be no blood

It pumps no more

The heart cannot do it’s anatomic duty.

Is the heart good for more than feeling?

I am in too much pain to know.

If I were whole I’d let you know,

But with no heart to feel,

No ears to hear,

No eyes to see your beauty taken from me,

Am I a person?

           Incomplete.

Groan creak screech

             The new me springs from the wound you left behind.