Apple-White Suicide

I walk into the bathroom with pills. I go into the stall. I take off all my clothes. I shoot myself (it’s a gun, not pills) because the crimson blood contrasting with my lily-white skin is beautiful. I am naked, and I keep my face intact. I want people to look at me. I want to be carried out and people will watch and be disgusted but at the same time they will be fascinated and cannot look away. When I do it I have a knife, not a gun. I stare at my naked form in the mirror. I raise my quivering hand and violently slash my pale, apple-white throat. The blood starts to spill and my eyes grow wide with shock. I might have had a second thought but it is so fleeting I do not recognize it as doubt. My eyes glaze as I fall to the floor.

Time Heals All Things

The Long Dark Hall

The Long Dark Hall

By: Alice Parker

A tall boy,

A short girl,

Walking

Down a long dark hall.

As they get closer,

They merge,

Leaving one tall girl

To walk alone,

In the long dark hall.

She began her journey,

Towards destiny,

Sometimes needing to crawl,

That her fingertips might be closer to crevices of Hope.

Pushing her way toward what Was, Is, and Will be; Destiny.

Crawling with Hope at her fingertips,

The long dark hall,

Began to grow a little less dark.

2011 HDPL Summer Reading Writing Contest- Winner

Nevada
By: Alice Parker

Grey-green grass,

Blue sky,

Rich brown mountain,

   swallowed up by miles of empty houses.

A coyote slinks across a golf course,

Scorpion takes shelter in the unnatural shade of a palm tree,

Magnesium mines penetrate the earth.

Home,

It’s a place of a thousand thrills.

Provo

Provo

            Utah is its own country; its own fairytale land where the blossoms on the trees fall like so much snow lazily drifting on a gossamer breeze. The soil is rich, dark, fertile, if a little dry. The surrounding mountains call to the adventurer, dusted with powdered sugar snow on a magnificent cake. A “Y” stamped on the face recalls the upright students following the word of the Lord in their studies. Being here makes one happy. Everyone here seems happy, healthy, friendly, active. It is a community of people who love one another. It’s peaceful. You can feel the spirit in the very streets. It truly is a magic kingdom.

            Why do I feel whole when I am here? Why do I want to stay? What is it about Salt Lake City and Provo that makes me yearn for this peace and comfort and at the same time makes me think there is even more to be gained? I never thought of seeking peace as an ambition. I feel love for these people around me; these strangers whom I will never know. The woman jogging with her stroller, the little boys walking their puppy, the older group of ladies, they do not shy away from the stranger in their presence. These people love each other as well.

            I do not want to go back to my desert homeland. I do not want the way I feel now to fade with each mile I travel away from this place I once called home, the home I did not appreciate when I had it. Maybe this vacation was exactly what I needed to see just how far off the path I truly am. Now I have something to aspire to. Now I can work toward bringing this feeling back with me to Nevada.

            Even Nature seems happy. The chirping and the insects are active, but companionable. I love them as well. I love my fairy kingdom.

Chasing Innocence

Do you recall those long nights,

Driving home in the car,

Seeing circley lights?

And once you got up close you’d see,

They’re just streetlamps guiding your way.

Well life looks just like that to me.

Circley colors brown and green,

And sky and mountain far away.

But when I get up close I find the world is not made of circles,

Just straight lines and harsh edges. 

Yet in the distance I can see,

Circley colors calling me.

They beckon and I long to run,

Towards my blurry haven,

Globes and spheres, fuzzy and welcoming,

I leave the stark corners of black and grey,

For the flighty circles in my life.

Crippling Sadness

Crippling Sadness

The wound is jagged,

It never heals,

But the wound seals,

Now the rough scar,

Reminds me every day,

Of things I sacrificed,

For what I now hate.

I want to be new,

I want to be whole.

I’d settle for just okay.

Words From A Father: A Villanelle

Words from a Father

A Villanelle

My father bid me, “When you can,

Try to act like a strong fellow,

Always take it like a man.

Things will not go as you plan,

Try like a boy not to wallow,”

My father bid me, “when you can.”

Advice before real trial began,

Advice preparing for tomorrow.

“Always take it like a man.”

There were times I wished I’d ran,

I never run because, “I will follow,”

My father bid me, “when you can.”

His father taught him this same ban,

“Never kneel and never swallow,

Always take it like a man,

When you’re restrained by some man’s hand,

And you are made to bite the pillow,”

My father bid me, “When you can,

Always take it like a man.”

In December

In December

By: Alice Parker

Let me see him in December,

Let me weave my magic spell.

Let me stoke the fires ember,

Then let me wear the wedding veil.

I want my eternal family,

I want to share my all with him.

My heart is his forever,

In December I’ll begin.

Where is he in this equation?

Is he not allowed a say?

Or am I blind by my ambition,

Resolved to have it my own way?

No. I know that he still loves me.

Are not his expressions clear?

It’s true; he courts another,

Just to prove he is still dear?

Does he seek to test devotion?

Does he doubt me even still?

It seems the star is our emotion,

Sorrow highlights the playbill.

But with Sorrow also Hope,

Coupled with its degradation,

Eye the swinging rope,

And embrace the conflagration.

Cast aside all your dispersions,

And accept me as your own,

Forgive me my perversions,

Let me cater to your own.

I will dress in lace black gown,

I will demand one dance,

On my knee I will kneel down,

Should we rekindle our romance.

Oh how the tables turn,

The pursuer is pursued.

Indifference makes me burn,

With your coldness I am wooed.

What if I am rejected?

My helpless plight is spurned.

To such misery I’m subjected.

My soul denied, the lesson learned

Again no. I know he’s mine.

No longer will I doubt this.

Fate Eternal and Divine,

Has pledged to me my Bliss.